Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
