Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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