the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
