We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
God, I missed his penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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