I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
