I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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