the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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