Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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