I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize