tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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