I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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