No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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