I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
