I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
