The best revenge is premature balding
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
