she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
