I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
