could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
