then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I smell like Dick and happiness
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