T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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