just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
