so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
