dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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