this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize