also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
