Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
