I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
