do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
