so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
