mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
