How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
