Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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