Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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