I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
