i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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