you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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