Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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