how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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