Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
