While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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