I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
