When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
