Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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