I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
