He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
