why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
