i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
