Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
