this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
