you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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