Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize