I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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