I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's blow job season.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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