Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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