so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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