No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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