i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
