Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can I color on your dick again?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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