i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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