It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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