I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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